tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86939598475542895212011-12-18T11:06:02.344-08:00HTBWnoreply@blogger.comBlogger541100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-78211819263468815752011-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:002011-01-25T10:14:35.687-08:00Every time this couple made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. <br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" frameborder=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0 scrolling="no" allowTransparency="true" width="300" height="250"></iframe>');</script><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---> <br />Well, after 20 years and a couple of kids the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down, and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device...a vibrator! It was soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. <br /> <br />She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" <br />The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids." <br /> <br /> <br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" frameborder=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0 scrolling="no" allowTransparency="true" width="300" height="250"></iframe>');</script><!-- END Ad Code ---><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7821181926346881575?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-68570557065498261612010-11-08T08:22:00.000-08:002010-11-08T08:47:07.637-08:00Some are old, some are new, some really suck and others, well they are funny. OK, so it didn't rhyme. Orange<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?</span><br /><br />Juan on Juan<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><br /><script language="javascript"><br />document.write('<iframe src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" frameborder=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0 scrolling="no" allowTransparency="true" width="300" height="250"></iframe>');<br /></script><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What is a Yankee? </span><br /><br />The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? </span><br /><br />The position of the dirt bag.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why is divorce so expensive? </span><br /><br />Because it's worth it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? </span><br /><br />Doughnuts<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why is air a lot like sex? </span><br />Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What do you call a smart blonde? </span><br /><br />A golden retriever.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What do attorneys use for birth control? </span><br /><br />Their personalities.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? </span><br /><br />10 years and 45 lbs<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? </span><br /><br />45 minutes<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What's the fastest way to a man's heart? </span><br /><br />Through his chest with a sharp knife.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why do men want to marry virgins? </span><br /><br />They can't stand criticism.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? </span><br />Because those men already have boyfriends.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? </span><br /><br />After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?</span><br /><br />The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? </span><br /><br />Because they have cotton balls.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? </span><br /><br />A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? </span><br /><br />"Are you sure it's mine?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? </span><br /><br />Mace will do that to you.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?<br /></span><br />Everyone has the same DNA.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? </span><br /><br />Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Where does an Irish family go on vacation? </span><br /><br />A different pub.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby? </span><br /><br />They named him "Sum Ting Wong"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? </span><br />A speech impediment<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? </span><br />A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? </span><br /><br />Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? </span><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><br /><br /><br /><script language="javascript"><br />document.write('<iframe src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" frameborder=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0 scrolling="no" allowTransparency="true" width="300" height="250"></iframe>');<br /></script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><br /><br /><br />A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..."<br /><br />A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-6857055706549826161?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-11667149218934237312010-09-26T21:37:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:06:34.335-07:001. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent all your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... Fag.<br /><br />2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. <br /><br />And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Kitty Kitty Belle, come to daddy, snookums!' Yep, you're queer.<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><br />3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pig's feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.<br /><br />4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.<br /><br />5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as Tinkerbelle. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.<br /><br />6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. Pumpkin is not a color. If you think so, you are a fruit, just like the damned pumpkin. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer.<br /><br />7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.<br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />8. If you do not send this off to your best male friends because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a salami smuggler.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1166714921893423731?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-18556260565758481142010-06-08T08:06:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:11:28.012-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/TA5emEPPaKI/AAAAAAAAJks/538nCqHXMVE/s1600/alien+gas+pump+joke.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 182px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/TA5emEPPaKI/AAAAAAAAJks/538nCqHXMVE/s400/alien+gas+pump+joke.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5480421804622178466" /></a>Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near agas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.<br /><br />The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.<br /><br />The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'<br /><br />The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.<br /><br />Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"<br /><br />The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.'<br /><br />'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.<br /><br />Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.<br /><br />'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'<br /><br /><br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><br />The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never fuck with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1855626056575848114?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-12296925654217083382010-06-03T20:38:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:10:44.722-07:00A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. <br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?' <br /><br />She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston .' <br /><br />He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. <br /><br />Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' <br /><br />'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.' <br /><br />'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of myths are there?' <br /><br />'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.' <br /><br />'Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. <br /><br />I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.' <br /><br />Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.' <br /><br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />'Tonto,' the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1229692565421708338?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-41162959606537329592010-05-25T09:49:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:11:49.267-07:00Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.<br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.<br /><br /><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript">var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}</script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br />Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........spank his ass again!'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-4116295960653732959?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-35401590834320869622010-05-04T08:50:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:12:32.386-07:00In a Chicago Hospital , a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. <br /><script type="text/javascript"><!--google_ad_client = "pub-7247606652553580";/* 250x250, created 12/2/09 */google_ad_slot = "8530126196";google_ad_width = 250;google_ad_height = 250;//--></script><script type="text/javascript"src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></script><br />A nurse noticed his predicament. <br />Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." <br />He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. <br />Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP20 and a red one labeled ATR.. <br />Who would know if he touched them? ; <br />He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. <br />What a nice feeling, he thought. <br />Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. <br />Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. <br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, <br />it is tender loving pleasure. <br /><br />When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. <br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><br />Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. <br /><br />"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button." <br /><br />"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow." <br /><br />MEN NEVER LISTEN<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><script type="text/javascript"><!--google_ad_client = "pub-7247606652553580";/* 468x60, created 12/2/09 */google_ad_slot = "1330666375";google_ad_width = 468;google_ad_height = 60;//--></script><script type="text/javascript"src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></script><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3540159083432086962?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-30568447995278586982010-04-11T10:21:00.000-07:002010-06-09T17:14:46.262-07:00This screen shot of what a Taliban Dating service entry screen might look like gave me a chuckle, thanks Steve.<br /><br /><script type="text/javascript"><!--<br />google_ad_client = "pub-7247606652553580";<br />/* 300x250, created 12/2/09 */<br />google_ad_slot = "1639133338";<br />google_ad_width = 300;<br />google_ad_height = 250;<br />//--><br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript"<br />src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"><br /></script><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/S8IFdDxDU7I/AAAAAAAAJiE/OARNd-AKh2U/s1600/taliban+dating+service+arab+dating+service+taliban+singles+online.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 303px; height: 400px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/S8IFdDxDU7I/AAAAAAAAJiE/OARNd-AKh2U/s400/taliban+dating+service+arab+dating+service+taliban+singles+online.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5458931695111852978" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-06-09 20:12:08 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '0000FF';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '000000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFBBE8';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800040';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '008000';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1659157&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1659157&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3056844799527858698?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-6609906821513025832009-12-02T18:38:00.000-08:002010-10-14T02:13:37.443-07:00<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uQEuYUqrWJE/SxcpHTm7mtI/AAAAAAAACvY/6_sAGXyMykE/s1600-h/TIGER+WOODS+JOKES.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 220px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uQEuYUqrWJE/SxcpHTm7mtI/AAAAAAAACvY/6_sAGXyMykE/s400/TIGER+WOODS+JOKES.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410838682808326866" /></a><em>As far as Tiger Woods jokes go, there are quite a few stinkers... in fact most of the Tiger Woods jokes are stinkers. Oh we, it's hard to get a hole in one.<br /><br />Here ya go a butt load of Tiger Woods jokes gathered from the internet, let's just call it a Best of The worst in Tiger Woods Jokes.</em><br /><br /><!-- Begin BidVertiser code --><br /><script LANGUAGE="JavaScript1.1" SRC="http://bdv.bidvertiser.com/BidVertiser.dbm?pid=279248%26bid=691949" type="text/javascript"></SCRIPT><br /><noscript><a href="http://www.bidvertiser.com">marketing</a></noscript><br /><!-- End BidVertiser code --> <br /><br />Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger. <br /><br />What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards. <br /><br />Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah. <br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />Tiger’s confused. Every other time he made a hole-in-one, everyone was all happy about it.<br /><br />Tiger just hates it when he drives, and then his balls hit a tree. <br /><br />What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common? Both were clubbed by a Swede.<br /><br /><script type="text/javascript"><!--google_ad_client = "pub-7247606652553580";/* 300x250, created 12/2/09 */google_ad_slot = "1639133338";google_ad_width = 300;google_ad_height = 250;//--></script><br /><script type="text/javascript"src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"></script>Tiger said the fault of the accident was his Escalade. It’s typical of a golfer—always blame the caddy. <br /><br />Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one<br /><br />Tiger’s car still runs, but it goes “putt, putt, putt…”<br /><br />What was Elin Nordegren doing at 2:30 in the morning? She was clubbing. <br /><br /><br />Tiger Woods is tree under.<br /><br /><br />Tiger Woods has been dropped by Gilette after admitting this incident was his closest shave ever. <br /><br /><br />Tiger woods has a lot of cars, now he has a “hole in one”.<br /><br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />On the topic of infidelity and humour, remember the whole whatherface Bobbit story from a number of years ago... Tiger should consider himself lucky Elin only took a club to the car<br /><br /><strong>Tiger Woods and his wife were driving down the road arguing about his cheating.<br /><br />Suddenly, Elin reaches over, slices off Tiger's penis and angrily she tosses it out the window of the car.<br /><br />Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him.<br /><br />All of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.<br /><br />Suprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that?"<br /><br />Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey"<br /><br />The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute she says "Sure had a big dick ! </strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-660990682151302583?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-37815485136354293112009-10-31T07:03:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:14:13.892-07:00Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.<br /><br />The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."<br /><br />The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me... is right here," replies the old man.<br />"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"<br /><br />"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"<br /><br />Now wait for it<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br />.<br /><br /><br />"I say Sem Ting."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3781548513635429311?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-79226643586303497522009-09-18T07:04:00.000-07:002010-10-14T02:09:56.832-07:00<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SrOYYpga6kI/AAAAAAAAJJQ/2QAj9499ahM/s1600-h/PIRATE+JOKES+TALK+LIKE+A+PIRATE+DAY+SAYINGS.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 269px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SrOYYpga6kI/AAAAAAAAJJQ/2QAj9499ahM/s320/PIRATE+JOKES+TALK+LIKE+A+PIRATE+DAY+SAYINGS.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382813528863992386" /></a><br />Argh Matey, be forwarded that ye be entering thee territory of bad jokes and cheesy puns.<br /><br />Here ya Go, a bounty load of PIRATE JOKES <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />Who was the pirate's favorite basketball player?<br /><br />Kareem Abdul JabAARRRGGGHHH!!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />and we continue with MORE PIRATE JOKES for International Talk Like A Pirate Day<br /><br /><br />What does a surfer pirate say?<br /><br />GnARRRRRRRRly dude!<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />What is a pirate's favorite way to fly?<br /><br />A helicoptAAARRR!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />What takes a pirate 30 minutes but only lasts for 2?<br /><br />An ARRRRgasm! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />Where do pirates go to have fun?<br /><br />To the CARRRRRRRNIVAL!!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br /><br /><br />Why did the pirate break his teeth?<br /><br />His food was too hAAAAARRRD!<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><strong>OK, enough ARRG related Pirate jokes already!!!!!</strong>--------------------------<br /><br />What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?<br /><br />Shiver me timbers! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />Why did the pirate make everyone stand at the back of the ship?<br /><br />Because he was being very stern! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />3.14159265 % of Sailors are Pi Rates.<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />Why do young pirates always fail when saying the alphabet in kindergarten?<br /><br />Because their fathers insist that there are seven Cs!!!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><br /><br />Why did the pirate cross the road?<br /><br />To get to the second hand shop!!!!!!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />What do pirates and pimps have in common?<br /><br />They both say "YO HO!" and walk with a limp! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />What happened when Redbeard the Pirate fell into the Blue Sea?<br /><br />He got Marooned! <br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />How to Pirates pick up women?<br /><br />They put on some anti-pers-pirate!!! <br /><br />--------------------------<br />Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.<br /><br />Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.<br /><br />Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.<br /><br />As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!<br /><br />--------------------------<br /><br />A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"<br />"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."<br />The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."<br />"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."<br />"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."<br />"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."<br />"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."<br />"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."<br />"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"<br />"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."<br /><br />-----------------------------<br /><br />Sorry, one last Arrggh Pirate joke<br /><br />What did the 86 year old Pirate get for his birthday?<br /><br />Arrrrrthitis! <br /><br /><br />Like a true pirate, I pillaged these jokes from dem dar Internet<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7922664358630349752?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-51007499523120826572009-06-26T10:52:00.001-07:002009-06-26T10:52:31.277-07:00Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have? <br />Johnny: Seven Sir<br /><br />Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?<br />Johnny: Seven<br /><br />Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?<br />Johnny: Six.<br /><br />Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?<br />Johnny: Seven!<br /><br />Teacher: Where the fuck do you get seven from?<br />Johnny: Because I've fuckin already got one at home.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-5100749952312082657?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-74820635012763622612009-06-24T07:37:00.000-07:002009-06-24T07:39:12.737-07:00A first grade teacher in Detroit asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.<br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Little Tyrone stood up and said:<br />"Up against the wall mother fucker!"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7482063501276362261?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-37540621231950152812009-06-22T07:18:00.000-07:002009-06-22T07:19:52.629-07:00My wife was always after me to go shopping with her. <br /><br />Then I began wearing my favorite shirt.<br /><br /><br />Now she doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore.<br /><br /> <br /> <br /><br />Scroll Down <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/Sj-SuXYrhhI/AAAAAAAAIdI/1UNnGuXRJnQ/s1600-h/dick+shirt.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 228px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/Sj-SuXYrhhI/AAAAAAAAIdI/1UNnGuXRJnQ/s400/dick+shirt.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350156207588607506" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3754062123195015281?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-66760450161918215912009-06-22T07:15:00.000-07:002009-06-24T07:39:41.285-07:00An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.<br /><br />His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:<br /><br />Dear Vincent, <br />I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.<br />Love, Papa<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br />A few days later he received a letter from his son.<br /><br /><br />Dear Pop,<br />Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried..<br />Love,<br />Vinnie<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-6676045016191821591?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-17438945683990183722009-06-04T17:52:00.000-07:002009-06-04T17:54:22.552-07:00Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"<br /><br />She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"<br /><br />He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'" <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki. <br /><br />Isn't it just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, an Englishman a Limey or a Frenchman a Cvnt?<br /><br /> <!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.<br /><br />I said, "Morning." <br /><br />He replied, "No, just having a shit." <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.<br /><br />The "musical chairs" was a bit slow but, fuck me, the "pass the parcel" was quick!!! <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. <br /><br />Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> <!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.<br />I shouted up to him, "What's up, Abdul? Won't it fuckin' start?" <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."<br />So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, flipped her over, and came all over her face and hair.<br /><br />I guess we don't watch the same movies.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> <!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" <br /><br />The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.<br /><br />"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1743894568399018372?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-80121470209493342282009-05-06T09:35:00.000-07:002009-05-06T09:36:37.743-07:00Why I fired my Secretary. <br /><br />Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.. <br /><br />I went downstairs for breakfast <br />hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, <br />'Happy Birthday!', <br />and possibly have a small present for me. <br /><br />As it turned out, <br />she barely said good morning, <br />let alone <br />' Happy Birthday.' <br /><br />I thought.... <br /><br />Well, that's marriage for you, <br />but the kids... <br />They will remember. <br /><br />My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast <br />and didn't say a word.. <br />So when I left for the office, <br />I felt pretty low <br />and somewhat despondent. <br /><br />As I walked into my office, <br />my secretary Jane said, <br />'Good Morning Boss, <br />and by the way <br />Happy Birthday ! ' <br />It felt a little better <br />that at least someone had remembered. <br /><br />I worked until one o'clock , <br />when Jane knocked on my door <br />and said, 'You know, <br />It's such a beautiful day outside, <br />and it is your Birthday, <br />what do you say we go out to lunch, <br />just you and me..' <br />I said, 'Thanks, Jane, <br />that's the greatest thing <br />I've heard all day. <br />Let's go !' <br /><br />We went to lunch. <br />But we didn't go <br />where we normally would go. <br />She chose instead at a quiet bistro <br />with a private table. <br />We had two martinis each <br />and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. <br /><br />On the way back to the office, <br />Jane said, 'You know, <br />It's such a beautiful day... <br />We don't need to go straight back to the office, <br />Do We ?' <br /><br />I responded, <br />'I guess not. <br />What do you have in mind ?' <br />She said, <br />'Let's drop by my apartment, <br />it's just around the corner.' <br /><br />After arriving at her apartment, <br />Jane turned to me and said, <br /><br />' Boss, if you don't mind, <br />I'm going to step into the bedroom <br />for just a moment. <br />I'll be right back.' <br />'Ok.' I nervously replied. <br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />She went into the bedroom and, <br />after a couple of minutes, <br />she came out <br />carrying a huge birthday cake ... <br />Followed <br />by my wife, <br />my kids, <br />and dozens of my friends <br />and co-workers, <br />all singing 'Happy Birthday'. <br /><br /><br />And I just sat there.... <br /><br />On the couch... <br /><br />Naked.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-8012147020949334228?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-71007943120072751192009-04-14T07:14:00.000-07:002009-04-14T07:17:26.968-07:00A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.<br /><br />The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a<br />voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of<br />Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.<br /><br />She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'<br /><br />Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later<br />huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.<br /><br />The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing<br />happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he<br />has lost 10 lbs. as promised.<br />He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next<br />day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,<br />beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing<br />nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,<br />'If you catch me you can have me'.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br />Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent<br />shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days,<br />the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better<br />shape..<br /><br />Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he<br />discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go<br />for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program<br />'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most<br />rigorous program.'<br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'<br />The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds<br />a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running<br />shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine'<br /><br />He lost 63 pounds that week<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7100794312007275119?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-56654262409821703182009-03-17T07:40:00.001-07:002009-03-17T08:08:51.963-07:00<h2> IRISH JOKES</h2><br /><br /><br />The Irish attempt at scaling Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding. <br /><br /><br /><h2> DIRTY IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br />Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.<br /><br />In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?" <br /><br />So he told her: "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." <br /><br />"Oh," she said, "that is very nice, dear." <br /><br />The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: "Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?" <br /><br />She replied: "Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come". <br /><br />----------------------------------------<br /><br /> <br />An Irish man is sitting a a bar drinking<br />A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "can i give you a blow job?"<br />The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.<br />The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"<br />The Irish man replied, "He said somethin about me gettin a job" <br /><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br /><h2> IRISH JOKES - THE IRISH VS THE BRITISH </h2><br /><br />An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000. That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.' <br />'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'<br /><br />-----------------------------------------<br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br />An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were in a pub talking about their children.<br /><br />'My son was born on St George's Day, 'remarked the Englishman, 'So we obviously decided to call him George.' <br /><br />'That's a real coincidence, 'observed the Frenchman, 'My daughter was born on Valentine's Day, so we decided to call her Valentine.' <br /><br />'That's really incredible, 'drawled the Irishman, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.' <br /><br />-----------------------------------------<br /><br /><h2> IRISH JOKES - IRISH Foreign affairs </h2><br /><br />An Irishman arrived at Boston's Logon airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was homesick. <br /><br />'No, 'replied the Irishman.' It's worse, I have I've lost all me luggage.' <br /><br />'That's terrible, how did that happen?' <br /><br />'The cork fell out of me bottle.' <br /><br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br />A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks, 'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?' <br /><br />The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him. <br /><br />'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français ?' he tries.<br /><br />The two continue to stare. <br /><br />'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.<br /><br />'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.<br /><br />The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!' <br /><br />'Why?' says the youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!' <br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.' <br /><br />The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.<br /><br />Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.<br /><br />The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.<br /><br />Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?' <br /><br />Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.' <br /><br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br />An Brian O'Malley, a sweet Irish man and his family move to Toronto Canada, and he is job seeking. He decides he wants to join the RCMP, he's always liked the bright furry red hats, and loves horses. Anyway, he goes down town the headquarters and asks them for an application.<br /><br />They greet him with enthusiasm, and give Brian the standard testing application, thinking they could find a spot for him somewhere on the team. Brian does a quick once over to the questionnaire, and snaps his fingers. On his way out, he told the RC's, that he best finish this at home, leaving them confused, he hops happily away.<br /><br />When he got home he went straight to work filling out the questions which read.<br /><br />Ques: Have you ever been arrested?<br /><br />Ans: No.<br /><br />Ques: Have you committed any crimes?<br /><br />Ans: No.<br /><br />Ques: Check off Religion.<br /><br />Ans: Proud Strong Catholic.<br /><br />Ques: Are you sure?<br /><br />Ans: As sure as me mudders name is Mary.<br /><br />Ques: Ok then, who killed Jesus?<br /><br />His wife interrupts him, and asked him how his first job hunting went with the RCMP, to which Brian whispers, lowering his head. "Shh, I can't discuss it. It's top secret you know, I'm on a murder case."<br /><br /><br /><br />---------------------------------------<br />'How far is it to the next village?' asked the American tourist. 'It's about seven miles,' guessed the farmer. 'But it's only five if you run!' <br /><br />Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? <br />To keep from falling in the stew!<br /><br />Do leprechauns make good secretaries? <br />Sure, they're great at shorthand!<br /><br />How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? <br />He took a shortcut!<br /><br />What do leprechauns love to barbecue? <br />Short ribs!<br /><br />Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? <br />Because they're very short-tempered!<br /><br />"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."<br />"Oh, really?" <br />"No, O'Reilly!"<br /><br />How did the Irish Jig get started? <br />Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! <br /><br />What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? <br />A bachelor.<br /><br />Knock, knock! <br />Who's there? <br />Don. <br />Don who? <br />Don be puffin' down the Irish now! <br />'I'd like some nails,' Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. 'How long would you like them?' asked the man. 'Forever, if that's all right with you,' said Mick. <br /><br />'The baby is just like his father,' said Mary Quinn. 'But at least he's got his health!' <br /><br />'I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!'<br /><br />'You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!' <br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br />---------------------------------------<br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br /><br />An American tourist travelling in County Clare, Ireland came across a little antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a mere 200 Irish punts ($350), the skull of Brian Boru*. <br /><br />Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's authenticity, signed by Brian Boru himself. <br /><br />Fifteen years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the man from Clare, who owned the antique shop, if he had any more bargains. <br /><br />'I've got the very thing for you, 'said the shopkeeper, 'It's the genuine skull of Brian Boru.' <br /><br />'You cheat, 'exploded the American, 'You sold me that fifteen years ago, 'and producing the skull added loudly, 'Look, they're not even the same size.' <br /><br />'You have got it wrong, 'opined the seller, '' This is the skull of Brian Boru when he was a lad.' <br /><br />* Brian Boru (940 to 1014) managed the rare feat of uniting Ireland. In a turning point in the war with the Vikings, Brian Boru defeated the Viking leader Ivar in single combat. Not only was Brian successful in battle, but he also had at least 4 wives and founded the O' Brien clan.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------<br /><br /><h2> IRISH JOKES - MISC IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br /><br /><br />Soon after O'Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. <br /><br />When O'Shaughnessy returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if it was bad news.' To be shure it was, Boss, 'he replied, 'I just found out from Ireland that my mother died earlier this morning.' <br /><br />'Gosh, that's awful, 'replied the foreman, 'Do you want the rest of the day off?' <br />'No, 'replied O'Shaughnessy. ' I'll finish the day out.' <br /><br />About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him in the office. This time when O'Shaughnessy returned he looked twice as glum, and the foreman asked if everything was alright.<br /><br />'Bejeezuz Boss, its even worse news. That was my brother, and his mother died today too!' <br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:54 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br />An elderly couple were driving through County Kerry, Ireland. Irene was driving when she got pulled over by the Gardai, who asks her, 'Ma'am did you know that you were speeding?' <br /><br />Irene turns to her husband, Mick and enquires, 'What did he say?' <br /><br />Mick yells out, 'He says you were speeding!' <br />The Garda said, 'May I see your license, please ma'am?' <br /><br />Irene, once again, turns to Mick and says, 'What did he say?' <br /><br />Once more, Mick, shouts out, 'He wants to see your license!' <br /><br />Irene gives the policeman her driving license.<br /><br />The Garda retorts, 'I see you are from Kerry. I spent some time there once and had the worst date I have ever had.' <br /><br />For the final time, Irene turns to Mick and asks, 'What did he say?' <br /><br />Mick yells very loudly, 'He thinks he knows you!' <br /><br />-------------------------------------------<br /><br />Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' A mass for the poor creature?' <br /><br />Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' <br /><br />Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think €*5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' <br /><br />Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary and Joseph. Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?' <br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br /><br />Father O' Malley answers the phone.<br /><br />'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' <br />'It is'<br /><br />'This is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department. Can you help us?' <br />'I can.' <br /><br />'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' <br />'I do'<br /><br />'Is he a member of your congregation?' He is'<br /><br />'Did he donate €*10,000 to the church?' <br />'He will.' <br /><br />---------------------------------------<br /><br />While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers: <br /><br />'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.' <br /><br />Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers. <br /><br />'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out often, but I'm giving Mick the job.' <br /><br />'Why's that?' asked Pat. <br /><br />'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had<br /><br />'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'. <br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br />There now follows a list of inventions. They were the brainchildren of the Kerry man who was history's unluckiest producer of lemonade. Over the years he came up with 4-up, 5-up, 6-up and then stopped! And if that isn't bad enough, look at other things he produced: <br /><br />An inflatable dartboard <br /><br />A chocolate kettle <br /><br />A soluble life-raft <br /><br />A self-righting aspirin <br /><br />A solar-powered torch<br /><br />----------------------------------------------<br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br /><br />I first met O'Reilly when I was in St Peter's Hospital, Chertsey, England. He was in the same ward as me and was lying, quite still, in the bed next to me when I awoke early on that Friday morning.<br /><br />I was taken aback because he was swathed in bandages from head to toe, with just two little slits for his eyes and this made it difficult to engage him in conversation.<br /><br />However, later that same day, his best friend, Dermot Callaghan, came in to visit O'Reilly and I listened in to their conversation which went as follows: <br /><br />'What happened to you?' asked Callaghan. <br /><br />'I staggered out of The Invincible pub, in Shepperton Road, and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through the Co-op's plate glass window,' mumbled O'Reilly.' <br /><br />'Begorrah,' exclaimed Callaghan in his broad Munster accent, 'It's a good job you were wearing all those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'<br /><br />------------------------------------------------<br /><br />There was an Irish man standing on the dock, with the others waiting for the boat to come. A sweet Irish Lassie came and stood beside him and asked. <br /><br />"What brings you to the port today?'<br /><br />To which the man replied. "Oh, I'm waiting for me brudder. Me brudder is coming in today."<br /><br />"How lovely." She replied.<br />"Yep," he continued. "I will not know me brudder." He continued sadly.<br /><br />"And why not?" The lassie asked curiously. "Why would you not know yer own brudder?"<br /><br />"Aye, me brudder left 20 year ago, and I will not know me brudder." He answered.<br /><br />"Oh my, how will you know when yer brudder gets off the ship?"<br /><br />"Ohh, I'll not be worrying about that dear Lassie, me brudder will know me."<br /><br />"How can you be so sure yer brudder will know you, if you won't know yer brudder?" She asked confused.<br />"Because I never left." He said with a grin.<br /><br />--------------------------------------------------<br /><br />An Irish man is sitting in a boat, and it's a small boat that sprung a leak, and it's sinking fast.<br />A boat of a little larger size comes along, and the captain shouts out. "Come on, hop over, yer boat's sinking."<br /><br />The Irish man sat quietly, contemplating the matter. After a moment he looks over at the Captain and shakes his head. "No tanks, the Lord's gonna save me." <br /><br />After trying his best the Captain gave up, and sadly left the poor Irish man to sit in his sinking boat.<br /><br />After a while, another more larger boat than the last came along and the Captain shouted out. "Yer boats sinking, hurry up and climb aboard."<br /><br />The Irish man folded his arms firmly. "No tanks, I'm waiting for the Lord, he's gonna save me."<br /><br />"It'll be your funeral lass if you don't hop in my boat."<br /><br />"So much yew know, I believe in the Lord, and I'm staying right here until the Lord himself saves me."<br /><br />The stubborn Irish man turned down a steam liner, with sailors trying to thrown him a line, and eventually his boat sank and he drowned.<br /><br />Now at the pearly white gates stood a hopping angry Irish man, and he looked the Lord straight in the eye and said.<br /><br />"Lord, what did I ever do all me forsaken life, to deserve such a wreched death? I believed in ya, I waited for ye to save me.. but ya didn't?"<br /><br />The Lord looked down at his loyal Irish man and frowned. "I sent you two boats, and an ocean steamer, what more did yew want?"<br /><br />---------------------------------------------<br /><br /><br /><br />At the height of the gulf wars, the expertise of Red Adair (that well known fire fighter) was called upon to go out to the gulf and put out the oil rig fires.<br /><br />On his way his plane landed in Ireland for an overnight stop so Red took advantage to visit the local bar for a pint of the black stuff. On entering the bar two old Irish boys witnessed him walk in and one said to the other. 'Isn't that Red Adair'? The other replied, 'No'. <br /><br />The old boy then said, 'I'm sure it is and I'm so sure that I will bet you a pint if I am wrong'. The doubting one said, 'Ok' and they both went over to Red and the one said, 'Are you Red Adair'? to which Red said he was. <br /><br />The doubting Irishman said, 'Are you still dancing with Ginger Rogers'?<br /><br />------------------------------------------------<br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br />Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam. <br /><br />Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have? <br />Paddy: Five. <br /><br />Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? <br />Paddy: Five. <br /><br />Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got? <br />Paddy: Four. <br /><br />Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? <br />Paddy: Five. <br /><br />Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five? <br />Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home! <br /><br /><h2> IRISH JOKES - SHORT ONE LINER IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br />An American lawyer inquired, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?' <br />'Who told you that?' asked Paddy. <br /><br />-----------------------------------------<br /><br />An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?' <br />Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.' <br /><br />-----------------------------------------<br /><h2> MORE IRISH JOKES </h2><br /><br /><br />Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantel piece?' <br />'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.' <br /><br />-----------------------------------------<br /><br />'O'Halloran,' asked the pharmacist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?' <br />'It did surely,' replied O'Halloran, 'but it keeps fallin' off.' <br /><br />-----------------------------------------<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-5665426240982170318?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-6775267604037809482009-02-27T08:14:00.000-08:002009-02-27T08:18:25.232-08:00<span style="font-weight:bold;">NO EASTER EGG HUNT THIS YEAR</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SagHUU4s_NI/AAAAAAAAG2Y/U5WRo-61bHM/s1600-h/Obama+watermelon+email+joke+dean+grouse+watermelon+patch+picture+racist.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 244px; height: 183px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SagHUU4s_NI/AAAAAAAAG2Y/U5WRo-61bHM/s400/Obama+watermelon+email+joke+dean+grouse+watermelon+patch+picture+racist.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5307500206641446098" /></a><br /><br />This <a href="http://spankadamonkey.blogspot.com/2009/02/obama-watermelon-patch.html">OBAMA EMAIL JOKE</a>, became popular since Dean Grouse, Mayor of Los Alamitos California sent it to all his friends, including.... now get this, a Back Rights Activist.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-677526760403780948?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-29051421498104599022009-02-17T07:19:00.001-08:002010-09-29T00:35:46.049-07:00This is a little dated but is just as new today as it was back in the day when METALLICA SUED NAPSTER. Today, Napster is pretty much history as it was known and Metallica and RRIA are still on the witch hunt... latest target... The PIRATE BAY.<br /><br />A few words of wisdom from James Hetfield<br />Money Good Napster Bad<br />Beer Good<br />T-shirts Good<br />Fire bad Fire Bad<br /><br />And Finally...<br /><br />Grab-asses bad<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VIuR5TNyL8Y&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VIuR5TNyL8Y&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2905142149810459902?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-61331369764984794732009-02-17T07:15:00.000-08:002009-02-17T07:17:35.387-08:00SONY RELEASES NEW STUPID PIECE OF SHIT THAT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK<br /><br /><embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer/flvplayer.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" flashvars="file=http://www.theonion.com/content/xml/93143/video&amp;debugging=true&amp;autostart=false&amp;image=http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/SONY_FUCK_article.jpg&amp;bufferlength=3&amp;embedded=true&amp;title=Sony%20Releases%20New%20Stupid%20Piece%20Of%20Shit%20That%20Doesn%27t%20Fucking%20Work" height="355" width="400" ></embed><br/><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/93143?utm_source=embedded_video">Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work</a><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-21 21:55:38 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-6133136976498479473?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-17580115541408112202009-01-24T08:33:00.000-08:002009-01-24T08:37:05.312-08:00<strong>WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!!</strong><br /><br />Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a <strong>vacuum cleaner</strong>. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.’ 'Go away!' I said. <strong>'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!'</strong> and proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet. 'If this <strong>vacuum cleaner </strong>does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.' I stepped back and said, <br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-24 11:35:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br />'Well I hope you've got a F*cking good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of 'broke' do you not understand?'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1758011554140811220?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-70470318512059190952009-01-21T18:52:00.000-08:002009-01-21T18:59:16.195-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SXfg7boYSRI/AAAAAAAAGLs/58unVG77_TI/s1600-h/GEORGE+CARLIN+7+WORDS+YOU+CANT+SAY+ON+TV.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 260px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SXfg7boYSRI/AAAAAAAAGLs/58unVG77_TI/s320/GEORGE+CARLIN+7+WORDS+YOU+CANT+SAY+ON+TV.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293947198631332114" /></a>Not exactly an Email joke, but <span style="font-weight:bold;">GEORGE CARLIN'S SEVEN WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY ON TELEVISION</span> has become a classic. Enjoy<br /><br />"I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I uh, I think is important. I love..as I say, they're my work, they're my play, they're my passion. Words are all we have really.<br /><br />We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid. You know, [humming]. And, then we assign a word to a thought, [clicks tongue]. And we're stuck with that word for that thought. So be careful with words. I like to think, yeah, the same words that hurt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them.<br /><br />There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are <span style="font-weight:bold;">seven of them that you can't say on television</span>. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' 'Awwww.' There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad Intentions.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-21 21:55:38 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFCC66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '6131BD';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991549&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991549&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />And words, you know the seven don't you? Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.<br /><br />Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, wow. Tits doesn't even belong on the list, you know. It's such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname. 'Hey, Tits, come here. Tits, meet Toots, Toots, Tits, Tits, Toots.' It sounds like a snack doesn't it? Yes, I know, it is, right. But I don't mean the sexist snack, I mean, New Nabisco Tits. The new Cheese Tits, and Corn Tits and Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits Onion Tits, Tater Tits, Yeah. Betcha can't eat just one. That's true I usually switch off . But I mean that word does not belong on the list.<br /><br />Actually, none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I am not completely insensitive to people's feelings. You know, I can dig why some of those words got on the list...like cocksucker and motherfucker. Those are...those are heavy-weight words. There's a lot going on there, man. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. They're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those K's. Those are aggressive sounds, they jump out at you. CocksuckerMotherfuckerCocksucker. It's like an assault, on you. So I can dig that.<br /><br />And we mentioned shit earlier, of course. Two of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. But forget about that. A little accidental humor there. Piss and Cunt. The reason Piss and Cunt are on the list is that a long time ago certain ladies said 'Those are the two I am not going to say. I don't mind Fuck and Shit, but P and C are out. P and C are out.' Which led to such stupid sentences as 'OK, you fuckers, I am going to tinkle now.'<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2009-01-21 21:55:44 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'CC0000';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '400058';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = 'FF6FCF';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=991546&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=991546&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />And of course the word Fuck. The word Fuck, I don't really...well, this is some more accidental humor, but I don't really want to get into that now. Because I think it takes too long. But I do mean that. I mean, I think the word fuck is an important word. It's the beginning of life, and, yet it's a word we use to hurt one other, quite often. And uh, people much wiser than I have said, I'd rather have my son watch a film with two people making love than two people trying to kill one other. And I of course agree. I wish I know who said it first, and I agree with that. But I would like to take it a step further. I would like to substitute the word fuck, for the word kill in all those movie cliches we grew up with. 'Okay Sheriff, we're gonna fuck ya now. But we're gonna fuck ya slow.' So maybe next year I'll have a whole fuckin' rap on that word. I hope so.<br /><br />Uh, there are two-way words, but those are the seven you can never say on television. Under any circumstances you just can not say them ever, ever ever, not even clinically. You can not weave them in the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny, I mean it's just impossible, forget those seven, they're out.<br /><br />But, there are some two-way words. There are double-meaning words. Remember the ones your giggled at in sixth grade? 'And the cock crowed three times.''Hey, the cock the cock crowed three times. It's in the bible.' There are some Two-way words, like it's okay for Curt Gowdy [mis-spelled in original transcription. -ed.] to say 'Roberto Clemente has two balls on him.' But he can't say, 'I think he hurt his balls on that play Tony, don't you? He's holding them. He must have hurt them by God.' And the other two-way word that goes with that one is prick. It's okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick. No, no."<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3_Nrp7cj_tM&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3_Nrp7cj_tM&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7047031851205919095?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-8983007445811001362009-01-16T08:06:00.000-08:002009-01-16T08:07:59.124-08:00A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and<br />you're white?"<br /><br /> <br /><br />His mother replies, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that fucking party, you're lucky that you don't bark!"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-898300744581100136?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-35958360803084763892009-01-10T08:42:00.000-08:002009-01-10T08:45:17.530-08:00<strong>Day 2 - <a href="http://shitfourbrains.blogspot.com/2008/12/delta-cares-bureaucratic-lack-of.html">Vancouver Blizzard 2008</a> - Revenge of the Commuters</strong><br /><br />Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the Lower Mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the <a href="http://www.rxdirect2u.com">marijuana crops</a>. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in.<br />With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.<br /><br />Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.<br /><br />Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.<br /><br />Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants.<br />Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.<br /><br />"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3595836080308476389?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-4065462223820861292009-01-08T06:45:00.000-08:002010-09-29T00:36:26.081-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SWYWeLjNdjI/AAAAAAAAF34/13Fm8mvyqTw/s1600-h/BUSHISMS+GEORGE+BUSH+STUPID+SAYINGS+SPEECHES.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 140px; height: 238px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SWYWeLjNdjI/AAAAAAAAF34/13Fm8mvyqTw/s400/BUSHISMS+GEORGE+BUSH+STUPID+SAYINGS+SPEECHES.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5288939520145585714" /></a> Nothing is funnier than a stupid President... well except maybe those Rubber Chickens.<br />Anyways, the time of George W Bush is at an end and there have been several really stupid things the Texas Puppet has said over the years and those will forever hold a place in History as <span style="font-weight:bold;">BUSHISMS</span><br /><br />Here are several of the top <span style="font-weight:bold;">BUSHISMS </span>from the <span style="font-weight:bold;">BUSHISM </span>Years.<br /><br /> - "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.<br /><br /> - "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." — May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.<br /><br /><br /> - "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.<br /><br /> - "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" — January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.<br /><br /> - "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." — Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /> - "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." — Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.<br /><br /> - "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." — April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.<br /><br /> - "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." — April 18, 2002, at the White House.<br /><br /> - "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." — Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.<br /><br /> - "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." — September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.<br /><br /> - "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." — April 20, 2005, in Washington.<br /><br /> - "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." — Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.<br /><br /> - "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." — Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.<br /><br /> - "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." — June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.<br /><br /> - "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." — Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.<br /><br /> - "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." — June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.<br /><br /> - "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." — September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.<br /><br /> - "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.<br /><br /> - "And they have no disregard for human life." — July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.<br /><br /> - "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." — June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.<br /><br /> - "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." — July 4, 2008 in Virginia.<br /><br /> - "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer — prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." — Sept. 3, 2008, at an emergency operations center in Baton Rouge, La., after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.<br /><br /> - "This thaw — took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Oct. 20, 2008, in Alexandria, La., as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-406546222382086129?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-19421128927508107712008-12-28T08:54:00.000-08:002008-12-28T08:55:46.316-08:00HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT<br /><br />The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.<br /><br /> <br />The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :<br /><br /><br />Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?<br /><br /> <br />Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.<br /><br /> <br />One student, however, wrote the following:<br /><br /> <br />First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.<br /><br /> <br />Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.<br /><br /> <br />This gives two possibilities:<br /><br /> <br />1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.<br /><br /> <br />2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.<br /><br /> <br />So which is it?<br /><br /> <br />If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.<br />The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'<br /><br /> <br /><br /> THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1942112892750810771?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-66347662710640111932008-12-22T10:56:00.000-08:002008-12-22T10:57:27.016-08:00You're an EXTREME Redneck when....<br /><br />1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.<br /><br />2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.<br /><br />3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.<br /><br /><br />4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.<br /><br />5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.<br /><br />6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'<br /><br />7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.<br /><br />8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.<br /><br />9. Your junior prom offered day care.<br /><br />10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '<br /><br />11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.<br /><br />12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.<br /><br />13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.<br /><br />14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.<br /><br />15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.<br /><br />16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.<br /><br />17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-6634766271064011193?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-30815400114306059322008-12-21T08:59:00.000-08:002008-12-21T09:03:38.782-08:00'My wife says the one thing that differentiates me from a lot of other people, or at least is an essential part of my character, is that I don’t have a censoring gene,” DUSTIN HOFFMAN says with an impish grin. “My friends just wait for me to reveal what’s on my mind. They know for sure that I’m going to say something inappropriate.”<br /><br /><br />DUSTIN HOFFMAN VIDEO JOKE<br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rRdMAaocfhY&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rRdMAaocfhY&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3081540011430605932?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-23601043046981992262008-12-16T10:04:00.000-08:002008-12-16T10:05:01.752-08:00DEER MEAT<br /><br />A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. <br /><br />Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat <br />it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. <br /><br />The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they <br />begged their dad for the clue. <br /><br />Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'. <br /><br />The little girl screams to her brother <br /><br />'Don't eat it, it's an asshole..<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2360104304698199226?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-73089669191928058682008-12-09T09:50:00.001-08:002008-12-09T09:51:05.091-08:00The wife has been on my case the past couple of weeks to get the Christmas lights up. <br /><br />They are up now and for some reason she will not talk to me.<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/ST6v6l_jx5I/AAAAAAAAFUw/Tdlj9EaDC1I/s1600-h/christmas+lights+joke+picture.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/ST6v6l_jx5I/AAAAAAAAFUw/Tdlj9EaDC1I/s400/christmas+lights+joke+picture.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5277849234490771346" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7308966919192805868?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-11357807866468878832008-12-09T09:48:00.000-08:002008-12-09T09:49:16.481-08:00A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak....<br /> <br /> He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. <br /> <br /> Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was approached by his doctor. 'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.' ''What's the bad news?' asked the hunter. 'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my brother.' 'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your brother a plastic surgeon?' 'Not exactly.' answered the doctor...He's a flute player in the local symphony and he's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1135780786646887883?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-88388393128908440492008-12-06T12:19:00.001-08:002008-12-06T12:19:43.887-08:00A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practised long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.<br /><br />On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.<br /><br />The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.<br /><br />Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.<br /><br />Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.<br /><br />They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.<br /><br />Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.<br /><br />They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.<br /><br />The next year the Japanese won by two miles.<br /><br />Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses. <br /><br />The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India .<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-8838839312890844049?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-25423155119146169162008-11-24T10:35:00.000-08:002008-11-24T10:36:43.684-08:00The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.<br /><br />At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles<br />have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'<br /><br />Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'<br /><br />St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.<br /><br />God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson<br />motorcycle? '<br />Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'<br /><br />God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise<br />and pollution and can't run without a road?'<br /><br />Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?' <br /><br /><br />God said, 'Ah, yes.'<br /><br />'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !<br />1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension <br /><br /><br /><br />2. It chatters constantly at high speeds<br /><br /><br />3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust<br />5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'<br /><br />God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.<br /><br />The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.<br /><br />'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2542315511914616916?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-29733566286685470332008-11-23T14:37:00.000-08:002008-11-23T14:39:05.319-08:00WOMAN'S POEM <br /><br />Before I lay me down to sleep, <br />I pray for a man who's not a creep, <br />One who's handsome, smart and strong. <br />One who loves to listen long, <br />One who thinks before he speaks, <br />One who'll call, not wait for weeks. <br />I pray he's gainfully employed, <br />When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. <br />Pulls out my chair and opens my door, <br />Massages my back and begs to do more. <br />Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind, <br />Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' <br />I pray that this man will love me to no end , <br />And always be my very best friend. <br /><!-- Jokes --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = '0000FF';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '000000';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFFFF';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'CCCCCC';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '008000';<br /></script><br /><script src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=650130&zs=3330305f323530" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=650130&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /> <br /> <br />MAN'S POEM <br /><br />I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs <br />who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This <br />doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2973356628668547033?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-70319400563201443002008-11-21T07:05:00.000-08:002008-11-21T07:06:16.330-08:00At work one day a man notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. <br />He knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' <br /><br />He walks up to his friend and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.' <br /><br />'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly. <br /><br />The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity gets the better of him and he asks his friend, 'So, how long have you been wearing one?'; <br /><br />'Ever since my wife found it in my truck.' <br /><br />(I always wondered how this trend got started)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7031940056320144300?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-31454082147903334152008-11-06T19:27:00.000-08:002010-10-14T02:07:50.654-07:00<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SRO5MpXo4wI/AAAAAAAAEv4/ropQiUci6II/s1600-h/racist+obama+jokes.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 218px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_CvXEhdXFheY/SRO5MpXo4wI/AAAAAAAAEv4/ropQiUci6II/s320/racist+obama+jokes.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5265756016240812802" /></a><br />The world is searching for them, beware some are fairly rude.<br /><br /><strong>Late Night TV Obama Jokes</strong><br /><br /><blockquote>“I don’t know if you have seen this. It’s everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It’s been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers.” –Conan O’Brien</blockquote><br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content1 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_1.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br /><blockquote>“According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama’s great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama’s support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii.” –Conan O’Brien</blockquote><br /><br /><blockquote>“Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. … Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney’s connection was the result of one of Obama’s ancestors marrying one of Cheney’s ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them<br />in 1650? Bob Dole.” –Jay Leno</blockquote><br /><br /><blockquote>“Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. ‘Let’s go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.’” –Jay Leno</blockquote><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />A few Racist Obama Jokes<br /><br />Did you all hear that the statue of liberty is coming down! Aunt Jemima? Is going up and she’ll be holding a fried chicken leg in her hand.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why did it take so long for a Black person to Run for the US Presidency?<br /><br />A. Because they couldn't find their way out of the rain forest until it was Chopped down.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??<br /><br />A. Because he was trying to teach his daughter the family business of stealing bikes from the Whiteys.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?<br /><br />A. Because he kept tripping over his ears while trying to run through the cotton field.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?<br /><br />A. Because the US War on drugs cut down his ability to earn enough money to buy votes.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?<br /><br />A. The ink isn't dry yet.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?<br /><br />A. He accidently smoked it.<br /><br /><br /><br />More racist Obama Jokes<br /><br />Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.” <br />Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!” <br />Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?<br />A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.<br /><br />Anagrams<br />President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat <br />President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?<br />A. He thinks that things go better with coke.<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><!-- START - 300 x 250 email humour content 2 box ---><br /><script language="javascript">document.write('<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" height="250" src="http://www.clubdubya.com/adcode/ehumor/content_2.htm" scrolling="no" width="300" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>');</script><br /><!-- END Ad Code ---><br />The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.<br /><br />After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.<br /><br />At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.<br /><br />At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.<br /><br />That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, ‘Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.’ The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, ‘Well, tell me, how is he cheating?’<br /><br />Obama replied, ‘Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice!’<br /><br />-------------------------------<br />Yet another drug related Obama Joke<br /><br />Washington is on the 1 dollar bill<br />Franklin is on the 100 dollar bill<br />If Obama wins, what will he be on?<br /><br />Coke<br /><br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??<br /><br />A. Because all the camera's were scaring away his customers<br />-------------------------------<br /><br />Q. Why did Obama finally decide to run for Presidency?<br /><br />A. Because he wasn't making enough money to support his crack habit by mugging people in back alley's.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3145408214790333415?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-34705600668750348092008-10-10T22:41:00.000-07:002008-10-10T22:42:05.777-07:00A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the Trans-Canada Highway near Gander. <br />Nothing is moving. <br /> <br />Suddenly a man knocks on the window. <br />The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?' <br />'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion & Jack Layton <br /><br />They're asking for a $10 million ransom. <br /><br />Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. <br /><br />We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.' <br /><br />The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?' <br /><br /><br />'Most people are giving about 4 liters'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3470560066875034809?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-42480391734854500962008-09-25T07:58:00.001-07:002008-09-25T07:58:50.901-07:00A woman was in a coma & she had been in it for months.<br /><br />Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and<br /><br />noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched<br /><br />her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.<br /><br />They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy<br /><br />as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'<br /><br />The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.<br /><br />The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor<br /><br />flat lined- no pulse, no heart rate. <br /><br />The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened ?' they cried.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br /> var AdBrite_Title_Color = '9D1961';<br /> var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br /> var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_URL_Color = '66B5FF';<br /></script><br /><script src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=664987&zs=3330305f323530" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=664987&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><strong><br />The </strong>husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-4248039173485450096?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-26768845271709408662008-09-25T07:55:00.000-07:002008-09-25T07:56:36.971-07:00I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this<br /> morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.<br /><br /> We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we<br /> used to enjoy together.<br /><br /> I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested<br /> in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'.<br /><br /> 'Wow!' I was flabbergasted.<br /><br /><br /> 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now', I<br /> said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me.<br /><br /> Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'<br /><br /> She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the<br /> challenge'.<br /><br /> 'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a<br /> waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle<br /> and developing jowls like a Great Dane!'<br /><br /> She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.<br /><br /> She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute,<br /> and she was sure I would still be a great lover.<br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br /> var AdBrite_Title_Color = '9D1961';<br /> var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br /> var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_URL_Color = '66B5FF';<br /></script><br /><script src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=664987&zs=3330305f323530" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=664987&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /> Anyway, she giggled and said, 'I've put on a few pounds<br /> myself!'<br /><br /><br /> So I told her to fuck off.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2676884527170940866?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-89445968730368208032008-08-06T08:47:00.000-07:002008-08-06T08:49:10.852-07:00<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XydTpzTu-34&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XydTpzTu-34&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />A Spoof on the John McCain Campagn where he talks about war spanking the monkey and pansy's in politics<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-8944596873036820803?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-30391374929344931112008-07-31T07:20:00.001-07:002008-07-31T07:20:28.269-07:00I just want to thank all of you for your<br />> >> educational emails over the past year.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Thanks to you, I no longer open a public<br />> >> bathroom door without using a paper towel.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I can't use the remote in a hotel room<br />> >> because I don't know what the last person was doing<br />> >> while flipping through the channels.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread<br />> >> because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it<br />> >> was last washed.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or<br />> >> on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found<br />> >> to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who<br />> >> has been driving because the number one pass-time while<br />> >> driving alone is picking your nose.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt<br />> >> trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans<br />> >> fats I have consumed over the years.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I can't touch any woman's purse for<br />> >> fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I must send my special thanks to whoever sent<br />> >> me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now<br />> >> have to use a wet sponge with every envelope! That needs<br />> >> sealing.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every<br />> >> can I open for the same reason.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer have any savings because I gave<br />> >> it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the<br />> >> hospital for the 1,387,258th time.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer have any money at all, but that<br />> >> will change once I receive the $15,000. that Bill<br />> >> Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in<br />> >> their special e-mail program.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer worry about my soul because I<br />> >> have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and<br />> >> St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens<br />> >> are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or<br />> >> feathers.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants<br />> >> even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers<br />> >> only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my<br />> >> friends and make a wish within five minutes.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Because of your concern I no longer drink<br />> >> Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking<br />> >> someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't<br />> >> crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since<br />> >> the people who make these products are atheists who refuse<br />> >> to put 'Under God' on their cans.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave<br />> >> because it causes cancer.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> And thanks for letting me know I can't<br />> >> boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it<br />> >> will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer check the coin return on pay<br />> >> phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected<br />> >> with AIDS.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer go to shopping malls because<br />> >> someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer receive packages from UPS or<br />> >> FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer shop at Target since they are<br />> >> French and don't support our American troops or the<br />> >> Salvation Army.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer answer the phone because someone<br />> >> will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a<br />> >> phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and<br />> >> Uzbekistan .<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman<br />> >> Marcus since I now have their recipe.<br />> >><br />> >> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's<br />> >> toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is<br />> >> lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it<br />> >> bites my butt.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> And thanks to your great advice, I can't<br />> >> ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it<br />> >> probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my<br />> >> car to grab my leg.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> If you don't send this e-mail to at least<br />> >> 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with<br />> >> diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon<br />> >> and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing<br />> >> you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it<br />> >> actually happened to a friend of my next door<br />> >> neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's<br />> >> cousin's beautician...<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Have a wonderful day...<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Oh, by the way...<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> A German scientist from Argentina , after a<br />> >> lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient<br />> >> brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the<br />> >> mouse.<br />> >><br />> >><br />> >><br />> >><br />> >><br />> >><br />> >> Sorry...I just had to send you this one it is<br />> >> too good to miss!!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3039137492934493111?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-78775695369952955312008-07-17T08:31:00.001-07:002008-07-17T08:31:58.528-07:00This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. <br /><br />So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. <br /><br />After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 leg bug), which<br />came in a little white box to use for his house.<br /><br />He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and <br /><br />decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. <br /><br />So he asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?<br /><br />But there was no answer from his new Pet. <br /><br />This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again,<br />'How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?'<br /><br />But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet.<br />So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.<br />He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his<br />face up against the centipede's house and shouting, <br /><br />'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS......<br /><br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br /> var AdBrite_Title_Color = '9D1961';<br /> var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br /> var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_URL_Color = '66B5FF';<br /></script><br /><script src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=664987&zs=3330305f323530" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=664987&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /><br /><br /><br />A little voice came out of the box: 'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my fucking shoes on!<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7877569536995295531?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-70099653010546128492008-07-17T08:29:00.000-07:002008-07-17T08:30:32.637-07:00Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews in Italy had to convert to Catholicism or leave. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a debate with a religious leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. <br /><br />The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. <br /><br />On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other. <br /><br />The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. <br /><br />The rabbi looked back and raised one finger. <br /><br />Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. <br /><br />The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. <br /><br />The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. <br /><br />The rabbi pulled out an apple. <br /><br />With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy . <br /><br />Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. <br /><br />The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. <br /><br />'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. <br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br /> var AdBrite_Title_Color = '9D1961';<br /> var AdBrite_Text_Color = 'CC0000';<br /> var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_Border_Color = 'FFFF66';<br /> var AdBrite_URL_Color = '66B5FF';<br /></script><br /><script src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=664987&zs=3330305f323530" type="text/javascript"></script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=664987&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />'I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. <br /><br />'He bested me at every move and I could not continue.' <br /><br />Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won. <br /><br />'I haven't a clue' the rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy , so I gave him the finger. <br /><br />'Then he told me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.' <br /><br />'And then what?' asked a woman. <br /><br />'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-7009965301054612849?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-11884407357452070392008-06-25T07:04:00.000-07:002008-06-25T07:12:24.394-07:00Since his passing, internet stats on GEORGE CARLIN and his 7 WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY ON TV. Here are a few VIDEO CLIPS of GEORGE CARLIN<br /><br />Rest in Peace George, and thank you for all the laughs<br /><br /><br /><object width="425" height="349"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BTyzTJTNhNk&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BTyzTJTNhNk&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="349"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Dcr8dm9Prkk&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Dcr8dm9Prkk&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="349"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MeSSwKffj9o&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MeSSwKffj9o&hl=en&rel=0&color1=0xe1600f&color2=0xfebd01&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1188440735745207039?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-12225978827837934582008-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:002008-06-19T08:34:29.269-07:00OK, so maybe this is just wishful thinking on the part of someone with far too much time on his hands. So, if you are in a similar situation and don't mind loosing 32 seconds of your life over a little drivel.... Here it is, the video of TOM CRUISE KILLING OPRAH WINFREY.<br />Just for those slightly slow people out there.... this is not real<br /><br /><object width="425" height="349"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CRbhE3GRiUE&hl=en&rel=0&border=1"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CRbhE3GRiUE&hl=en&rel=0&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="349"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1222597882783793458?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-26085637057153370232008-05-27T06:39:00.000-07:002008-05-27T06:41:35.294-07:00I did the math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce. <br />After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.<br /><br />Assuming he banged her every night during their 5 year relationship, it ends up costing him $26,849 per lay, not counting attorney's fees and court costs.<br /><br />On the other hand, <a href="http://adupre.blogspot.com/">Elliot Spitzer's (Governor of New York ) call girl Ashley Dupre Aka Kristen</a> charges $4,000 an hour. Crazy, right?<br /><br />But...<br /><br />Had Paul McCartney employed <a href="http://adupre.blogspot.com/">Kristen</a> for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a savings of $41+million).<br /><br />Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, wide open menu, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back the next day, ready for another round. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.<br /><br />Is it just me, or is it better to rent?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-2608563705715337023?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-38021351394320364292008-05-21T09:13:00.001-07:002008-05-21T09:13:24.352-07:00Among fans of the '80s, there's nothing more celebrated than the ability to quote our favorite movies in any social setting without hesitation.<br /><br />But nothing brings as much personal satisfaction as badgering co-workers and bosses with these same trivial nuggets. So it gives me great glee to introduce today's guide to better office politics...<br /><br />HOW TO ANNOY YOUR COWORKERS WITH INDIANA JONES QUOTES:<br /><br />WHEN YOU STEAL THE LAST DONUT: "Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away."<br /><br />WHEN ANSWERING A CELL PHONE DURING A MEETING: "It's a transmitter, a radio for speaking to God."<br /><br />TO CAP OFF THAT THREE-BEER LUNCH: "Ah, dessert! Chilled monkey brains."<br /><br />WHEN THE INTERN BUNGLES AN ASSIGNMENT: "You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it."<br /><br />WHEN ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLING INTO A MANAGERS-ONLY MEETING: "Nazis. I hate these guys."<br /><br />TACO-DAY AT THE COMPANY CAFETERIA: "My son, we're pilgrims in an unholy land."<br /><br />A CO-WORKER RATS YOU OUT TO THE HR DEPARTMENT: "I knew you would sell your mother for an Etruscan vase. But I didn't know you would sell out your country and your soul... to the slime of humanity."<br /><br />WHEN HANDED THAT PINK SLIP: "And this is how we say goodbye in Germany .... (slap!)"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-3802135139432036429?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-16138127758237812572008-05-01T08:32:00.001-07:002010-09-29T00:35:26.509-07:00A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would suddenly turn off. Each time the lights went out, the place would erupt into a loud cheer. However, when the patrons saw the nun walk in, the room went dead silent. <br /><br />She walked up to the bartender and asked, "Can you point me to the nearest the restroom?" <br /><br />The bartender replied, "Okay, but I should warn you, there's a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." <br /><br />"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. <br /><br />So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?" <br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?" <br /><br />"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. <br /><br />"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1613812775823781257?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-64704616419477780302008-05-01T08:31:00.001-07:002010-09-29T00:35:10.071-07:00Two bible thumpers were going door to door. <br /><br />They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. <br /><br />She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. <br /><br />To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. <br /><br />Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. <br /><br />She stormed back to the door and flung it shut. <br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />But the door still didn't close. <br /><br />Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut. <br /><br />Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson. <br /><br />Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-6470461641947778030?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-12863620576848287302008-05-01T08:29:00.000-07:002010-09-29T00:34:52.681-07:00A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. <br /><br />Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. <br /><br />'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! <br />You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' <br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' <br /><br />The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-1286362057684828730?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-44792938396959986962008-05-01T08:28:00.000-07:002010-09-29T00:34:34.036-07:00A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. <br /><br />She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' <br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br />The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' <br /><br />'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-4479293839695998696?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8693959847554289521.post-51350373013453403262008-05-01T08:26:00.001-07:002010-09-29T00:34:21.933-07:00Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. <br /><br /><br /><br />He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.<br /><br /><!-- Begin: AdBrite, Generated: 2010-09-29 3:32:34 --><br /><script type="text/javascript"><br />var AdBrite_Title_Color = 'FFFF66';<br />var AdBrite_Text_Color = '66B5FF';<br />var AdBrite_Background_Color = 'C94093';<br />var AdBrite_Border_Color = '800080';<br />var AdBrite_URL_Color = '003366';<br />try{var AdBrite_Iframe=window.top!=window.self?2:1;var AdBrite_Referrer=document.referrer==''?document.location:document.referrer;AdBrite_Referrer=encodeURIComponent(AdBrite_Referrer);}catch(e){var AdBrite_Iframe='';var AdBrite_Referrer='';}<br /></script><br /><script type="text/javascript">document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,83,67,82,73,80,84));document.write(' src="http://ads.adbrite.com/mb/text_group.php?sid=1771295&zs=3330305f323530&ifr='+AdBrite_Iframe+'&ref='+AdBrite_Referrer+'" type="text/javascript">');document.write(String.fromCharCode(60,47,83,67,82,73,80,84,62));</script><br /><div><a target="_top" href="http://www.adbrite.com/mb/commerce/purchase_form.php?opid=1771295&afsid=1" style="font-weight:bold;font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;">Your Ad Here</a></div><br /><!-- End: AdBrite --><br /> <br /><br />Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8693959847554289521-5135037301345340326?l=emailhumor.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>HTBWnoreply@blogger.com0