Have you ever read a joke which made you roll around on the floor laughing so much you almost puked? Of course, like any good friend you instantly want to share the joke with your friends... But wait, you lost it. No need to worry, this blog is dedicated to Email humour. I have several twisted friends who send me jokes daily. The good ones will be posted here. Feel free to add your own in the comments section
Showing posts with label political. Show all posts
Showing posts with label political. Show all posts

Thursday

BUSHISM's A History of Stupidity in the Whitehouse

Nothing is funnier than a stupid President... well except maybe those Rubber Chickens.
Anyways, the time of George W Bush is at an end and there have been several really stupid things the Texas Puppet has said over the years and those will forever hold a place in History as BUSHISMS

Here are several of the top BUSHISMS from the BUSHISM Years.

- "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." — Sept. 6, 2004, at a rally in Poplar Bluff, Mo.

- "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." — May 27, 2008, in Mesa, Ariz.


- "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." — Aug. 5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.

- "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" — January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

- "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." — Sept. 26, 2001, in Langley, Va. Bush was referring to the terrorists who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks.






- "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." — Oct. 4, 2001, in Washington. Bush was remarking on a back-to-work plan after the terrorist attacks.

- "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber." — April 10, 2002, at the White House, as Bush urged Senate passage of a broad ban on cloning.

- "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." — April 18, 2002, at the White House.

- "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." — Sept. 17, 2002, in Nashville, Tenn.

- "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." — September 2000, explaining his energy policies at an event in Michigan.

- "Our most abundant energy source is coal. We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." — April 20, 2005, in Washington.

- "We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job." — Sept. 20, 2005, in Gulfport, Miss.

- "I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." — Sept. 5, 2005, when Bush met with residents of Poplarville, Miss., in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

- "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." — June 29, 2006, at the White House, where Bush met with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

- "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." — Dec. 7, 2006, in a joint appearance with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

- "These are big achievements for this country, and the people of Bulgaria ought to be proud of the achievements that they have achieved." — June 11, 2007, in Sofia, Bulgaria.

- "Mr. Prime Minister, thank you for your introduction. Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit." — September 2007, in Sydney, Australia, where Bush was attending an APEC summit.

- "Thank you, Your Holiness. Awesome speech." April 16, 2008, at a ceremony welcoming Pope Benedict XVI to the White House.

- "And they have no disregard for human life." — July 15, 2008, at the White House. Bush was referring to enemy fighters in Afghanistan.

- "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." — June 26, 2008, during a Rose Garden news briefing.

- "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." — July 4, 2008 in Virginia.

- "The people in Louisiana must know that all across our country there's a lot of prayer — prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I'm one of them. It's good to come down here." — Sept. 3, 2008, at an emergency operations center in Baton Rouge, La., after Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast.

- "This thaw — took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." Oct. 20, 2008, in Alexandria, La., as he discussed the economy and frozen credit markets.

Barack Obama Jokes


The world is searching for them, beware some are fairly rude.

Late Night TV Obama Jokes

“I don’t know if you have seen this. It’s everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It’s been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers.” –Conan O’Brien




“According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama’s great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama’s support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii.” –Conan O’Brien


“Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. … Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney’s connection was the result of one of Obama’s ancestors marrying one of Cheney’s ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them
in 1650? Bob Dole.” –Jay Leno


“Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. ‘Let’s go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.’” –Jay Leno





A few Racist Obama Jokes

Did you all hear that the statue of liberty is coming down! Aunt Jemima? Is going up and she’ll be holding a fried chicken leg in her hand.

-------------------------------

Q. Why did it take so long for a Black person to Run for the US Presidency?

A. Because they couldn't find their way out of the rain forest until it was Chopped down.

-------------------------------

Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??

A. Because he was trying to teach his daughter the family business of stealing bikes from the Whiteys.

-------------------------------

Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?

A. Because he kept tripping over his ears while trying to run through the cotton field.

-------------------------------

Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?

A. Because the US War on drugs cut down his ability to earn enough money to buy votes.

-------------------------------

Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. The ink isn't dry yet.

-------------------------------

Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. He accidently smoked it.



More racist Obama Jokes

Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"

-------------------------------

Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

-------------------------------

Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

-------------------------------

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish

-------------------------------

Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.

-------------------------------



The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, ‘Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.’ The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, ‘Well, tell me, how is he cheating?’

Obama replied, ‘Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice!’

-------------------------------
Yet another drug related Obama Joke

Washington is on the 1 dollar bill
Franklin is on the 100 dollar bill
If Obama wins, what will he be on?

Coke

-------------------------------

Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??

A. Because all the camera's were scaring away his customers
-------------------------------

Q. Why did Obama finally decide to run for Presidency?

A. Because he wasn't making enough money to support his crack habit by mugging people in back alley's.

Friday

Terrorists

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the Trans-Canada Highway near Gander.
Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'
'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion & Jack Layton

They're asking for a $10 million ransom.

Otherwise they're going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'


'Most people are giving about 4 liters'
HTBW-2008