Slam the Spammer

I just want to thank all of you for your
> >> educational emails over the past year.
> >>
> >>
> >> Thanks to you, I no longer open a public
> >> bathroom door without using a paper towel.
> >>
> >>
> >> I can't use the remote in a hotel room
> >> because I don't know what the last person was doing
> >> while flipping through the channels.
> >>
> >>
> >> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread
> >> because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it
> >> was last washed.
> >>
> >>
> >> I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or
> >> on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found
> >> to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
> >>
> >>
> >> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who
> >> has been driving because the number one pass-time while
> >> driving alone is picking your nose.
> >>
> >>
> >> Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt
> >> trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans
> >> fats I have consumed over the years.
> >>
> >>
> >> I can't touch any woman's purse for
> >> fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
> >>
> >>
> >> I must send my special thanks to whoever sent
> >> me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now
> >> have to use a wet sponge with every envelope! That needs
> >> sealing.
> >>
> >>
> >> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every
> >> can I open for the same reason.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer have any savings because I gave
> >> it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the
> >> hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer have any money at all, but that
> >> will change once I receive the $15,000. that Bill
> >> Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
> >> their special e-mail program.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer worry about my soul because I
> >> have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and
> >> St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
> >> are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
> >> feathers.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants
> >> even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> >>
> >>
> >> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers
> >> only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my
> >> friends and make a wish within five minutes.
> >>
> >>
> >> Because of your concern I no longer drink
> >> Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking
> >> someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't
> >> crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since
> >> the people who make these products are atheists who refuse
> >> to put 'Under God' on their cans.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
> >> because it causes cancer.
> >>
> >>
> >> And thanks for letting me know I can't
> >> boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it
> >> will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer check the coin return on pay
> >> phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected
> >> with AIDS.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer go to shopping malls because
> >> someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer receive packages from UPS or
> >> FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer shop at Target since they are
> >> French and don't support our American troops or the
> >> Salvation Army.
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer answer the phone because someone
> >> will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a
> >> phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and
> >> Uzbekistan .
> >>
> >>
> >> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
> >> Marcus since I now have their recipe.
> >>
> >> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's
> >> toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is
> >> lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
> >> bites my butt.
> >>
> >>
> >> And thanks to your great advice, I can't
> >> ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it
> >> probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my
> >> car to grab my leg.
> >>
> >>
> >> If you don't send this e-mail to at least
> >> 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
> >> diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon
> >> and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
> >> you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
> >> actually happened to a friend of my next door
> >> neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
> >> cousin's beautician...
> >>
> >>
> >> Have a wonderful day...
> >>
> >>
> >> Oh, by the way...
> >>
> >>
> >> A German scientist from Argentina , after a
> >> lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient
> >> brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the
> >> mouse.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Sorry...I just had to send you this one it is
> >> too good to miss!!