Arthur Davidson meets God

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles
have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise
and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'


God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension



2. It chatters constantly at high speeds


3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much




4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!





'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

Woman's Poem and Man's Poem

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end ,
And always be my very best friend.

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MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

The Origin of the Male Earring

At work one day a man notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
He knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'

He walks up to his friend and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'

'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.

The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity gets the better of him and he asks his friend, 'So, how long have you been wearing one?';

'Ever since my wife found it in my truck.'

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

Barack Obama Jokes

The world is searching for them, beware some are fairly rude.

Late Night TV Obama Jokes

“I don’t know if you have seen this. It’s everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It’s been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers.” –Conan O’Brien

“According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama’s great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama’s support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii.” –Conan O’Brien

“Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. … Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney’s connection was the result of one of Obama’s ancestors marrying one of Cheney’s ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them
in 1650? Bob Dole.” –Jay Leno

“Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. ‘Let’s go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.’” –Jay Leno

A few Racist Obama Jokes

Did you all hear that the statue of liberty is coming down! Aunt Jemima? Is going up and she’ll be holding a fried chicken leg in her hand.

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Q. Why did it take so long for a Black person to Run for the US Presidency?

A. Because they couldn't find their way out of the rain forest until it was Chopped down.

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Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??

A. Because he was trying to teach his daughter the family business of stealing bikes from the Whiteys.

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Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?

A. Because he kept tripping over his ears while trying to run through the cotton field.

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Q. Why did it take so long for Obama to run for the US Presidency?

A. Because the US War on drugs cut down his ability to earn enough money to buy votes.

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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. The ink isn't dry yet.

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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?

A. He accidently smoked it.



More racist Obama Jokes

Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"

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Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”
Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

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Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”
Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

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Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish

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Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.

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The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, ‘Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.’ The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, ‘Well, tell me, how is he cheating?’

Obama replied, ‘Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice!’

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Yet another drug related Obama Joke

Washington is on the 1 dollar bill
Franklin is on the 100 dollar bill
If Obama wins, what will he be on?

Coke

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Q. Why was Obama so pissed about the camera's following him and his daughter on Halloween??

A. Because all the camera's were scaring away his customers
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Q. Why did Obama finally decide to run for Presidency?

A. Because he wasn't making enough money to support his crack habit by mugging people in back alley's.