Rabbits

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven Sir

Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 rabbits, and another 2 rabbits and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!

Teacher: Where the fuck do you get seven from?
Johnny: Because I've fuckin already got one at home.

Detroit School Lesson

A first grade teacher in Detroit asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.

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Little Tyrone stood up and said:
"Up against the wall mother fucker!"

How to get out of shopping with your wife

My wife was always after me to go shopping with her.

Then I began wearing my favorite shirt.


Now she doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore.




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Italian Tomato Garden

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

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A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried..
Love,
Vinnie

Various politically incorrect jokes

Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!"

She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"




I can't see the big deal with calling a Pakistani a Paki.

Isn't it just the same as calling an Australian an Aussie, an Englishman a Limey or a Frenchman a Cvnt?

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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.

I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."





Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.

The "musical chairs" was a bit slow but, fuck me, the "pass the parcel" was quick!!!





When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.

Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.





I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up, Abdul? Won't it fuckin' start?"





My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, flipped her over, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."